Skip to main content

Today I wanted to quit

Parenting is hard.  I mean really hard, and today I wanted to quit.

Our 4-year-old is having nightmares at night.  Truth is, we don’t know what is actually happening.  He is not asleep yet and he is crying he had a nightmare.  I struggle with being supportive but I also know that he is trying to get me to lay down with him.  It’s hard when you are exhausted and you haven’t even had a chance to sit down yet.  You say to yourself, I just want a minute alone.

But it’s not just our 4-year-old.  Our 10-month -old has completely regressed in sleeping as well.  She has been sleeping through the night for months and now just this last month or so she has stopped. She wakes up and we can’t get her back down.  So my husband and I did what every parenting book told us not to do, we brought her into our bed.  We knew this was not the solution, but we were tired.  We are parents and we are tired.  Now she sleeps a couple hours in her crib, wakes up crying and won’t sleep alone. It’s horrible, it’s tiring, and I quit.

This weekend we are going to have to let her cry it out.  It’s going to be horrible.  We don’t want our son to wake up because of this, so we are struggling with letting him sleep somewhere else in the house with one of us while the other struggles with a screaming baby.  Needless to say, this weekend is not going to be fun.

There are times throughout all this that I just want to be alone.  I remember the times fondly when I was single or newly married and I could read a book and nap all day.  I could sleep in if I wanted and run errands for as long as I wanted.  I could go out to dinner anytime and wear something fun with pretty earrings, and I didn’t have to worry about little fingers ripping them out.  No one needed me, no one relied on me for everything, no one asked me questions constantly and no one fought me to eat dinner.  I could do what I wanted, when I wanted.  Sometimes I miss that.  That is why parenting is hard.

I am not a person that ever sugar coats things.  Parenting isn’t cupcakes and rainbows.  I knew that going in and I wanted to become a parent on purpose.   My husband and I wanted children, and we wanted them so bad we went to a fertility specialist for help getting pregnant.  I know I will miss the days when my son talks constantly and wants to play with me all the time.  I know I will miss the days of him coloring with me and allowing me to cuddle in bed with him.  I know I will miss the days of my daughter’s gummy smile and crying when I leave the room.  But today and some other days, I want to quit.  Since I can’t do that I go to work.  I throw myself into work when I am there and focus on being an adult.  I run errands at lunch and go window shopping alone. I go out to lunch with friends and have adult conversations.   Then at 5:00 I take a deep breath, go home and go back to being a mom and a wife.  I go back to warming up frozen pancakes for my son and carrying my daughter everywhere.  I do this because I know I have been blessed to be able to.  I do this because I love my children and I want to set a good example for them.  I will continue to work on my patience and my negotiating skills that I have learned in order to survive.  I do this because quitting isn’t an option even though some days I wish I could at least take a time out. 

Parenting is hard, but it’s also the best job in the world.


  1. Hi Katherine, I read your essay in today's D&C. Far be it from me to give advice, but I wanted to turn you on to the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D. He has a research-based approach to helping children learn independent sleep habits: "he explains with authority and reassurance his step-by-step regime for instituting beneficial habits within the framework of your child’s natural sleep cycles." My oldest child (now 20!) was nearly a year old before I realized we actually had a situation...Reading Marc's book helped me recognize my second child's "sleep cues" and we had an easier time of things for round 2. Not that you actually have time to read, but I truly believe this book has something to offer nearly every parent with young children.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Happy Nail Polish Day! - June 1

Who knew this day existed?!?!  I sure didn't and apparently this is the first year.  Essie started it, doesn't matter, I am happy to celebrate with them.

I love nail polish.  I love the variety of colors and the way it completes an outfit.  I love the confidence it gives me of a polished, put together look. I never used to wear it as much as I do now. What changed was an amazing product that my Mom found as well as a cool new trick I discovered.    Now I do my nails in my sleep.  Literally!

It's not rocket science but if you stop and think about it, it's actually a genius idea.  My nails dry in my sleep.  I get ready for bed, grab my magazine or book and the polish and top coat I want to use.  I read a while ago you only need about 10 minutes between coats. It is actually true.  Years ago I always thought it was longer so doing my nails literally took over an hour if not more.  Who has that amount of time?  Not me!  Now I do a coat, read my magazine for 10-15 minutes…

What I hope to be a cheap and easy window seat

I love my house.
I love the layout, I love the view from the back yard and I love the improvements we have made. But…… I want to continue to improve the house and upgrade it from a standard builder grade track house to a custom home.   But I still haven’t found the money tree that will supply me with endless funds to afford my visions.  

We are currently in the middle of a bathroom renovation it's hard to get my husband excited about the next project when our current one isn’t complete.   We have done many easy upgrades to the house ourselves throughout the past 5 years and have contracted out the larger projects.   Sometimes I need to stop and remember all the things we have done and how far we have come with this house.  We have turned our overgrown, missing light bulbs and broken toilet house into a home.

Some of the simple things we have done are switching out the door knobs and all light fixtures from brass to brushed nickel.  We have changed all the toilets, the outlets and li…